A SOLDIER IN THE FAMILY

Ronquillo writes of her experiences as the mother of an American soldier who experienced the trauma of war and died while in the service.

The author offers a personal account of the difficulties faced by military mothers. Her father served in World War II, and her husband served three tours in Vietnam; many of her ancestors served in the U.S. military as well. Such difficulties cut closer to her heart when her son, Matt, enlisted shortly after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. Matt served in Iraq with the 82nd Airborne Division, and the author describes some of the terrifying experiences he faced in combat during the Iraq War, involving snipers, improvised explosive devices, and a host of other threats; she learned much of this after the fact from the extensive writings and art he left behind after his death. When Matt returned to the United States on leave after a tour of duty in 2004, he expressed a desire to go AWOL; he died soon afterward in a high-speed car crash in North Carolina. Ronquillo writes in detailed fashion about the impact that post-traumatic stress disorder had on her son, as well as how it had affected her husband. She also describes a path forward for grieving families; she focused on the lives of her other sons while expressing an appreciation for simple things in life, particularly in nature: “The sunlight shimmered on the water’s surface, keeping time with the rhythmic movement of the waves. It was soothing, almost hypnotic.” She took her time going through Matt’s personal effects, seeking a sense of the life he led while he was a soldier, and connected with friends of his from the military. The memoir gets a bit off-track, though, when it delves into the broader military history of the author’s family, drawing focus from the more engaging personal reflection in the rest of the book. At the end, she includes a helpful and extensive list of resources for military families dealing with similar losses.

A vivid and detailed account of grief in a military family.